We may desperately want to chain ourselves emotionally to spouses who want nothing more to do with us. But we cannot control what others do with their lives. This is why using “tough love” is such an important part of letting go. Limiting communication with spouses leaving a marriage restrains our temptation to control their lives against their will. If they want out, forcing them to stay only makes them more determined to leave. We increase our pain by not releasing people who must be set free.